What Dead Space 3 Did Right

I’ve finally done it. I finally beat Dead Space 3….the normal campaign anyway. After 2 years of procrastination.

In fact, the only Dead Space game I ever played that I did beat in a reasonable time frame was Dead Space 2. Dead Space 1 and Dead Space 3 took me extended periods of time, for axiomatically different reasons that serve to emphasize what types of games they are. Whereas I put Dead Space down after chapter 2 and didn’t pick it up for nearly a year afterwards because I was frightened to find out what was behind that med bay door, I put Dead Space 3 down because I knew what was behind the next door, and I simply did not care.


Surprise, it’s an entire platoon of necros. Guys? Where are you going? You’re not surprised?

Dead Space 3’s failure as a Dead Space game, and as a survival horror game, can not be simplified any further than that sentence because after the first chapter, you will know almost exactly what to expect for the next 18. Fortunately it seems to be widely agreed that the game was a misstep, so it doesn’t need to be made any clearer than a simple sentence.

Let me take a step back and provide some clarification. I am not a little girl. I don’t scream in fright at any game – horror or not. You can rest assured I’ll yell some words, but they’ll be expletives, and not girlish cries. So Dead Space was never shit your pants scary, no. In spite of that, Visceral employed a great mixture of pacing and environmental design that allowed common gameplay tropes to exist, while still creating a brilliant haunted carnival house that was one of the most memorable and enjoyable horror experiences in video game history.

Isaac was vulnerable, he was essentially alone, and he was afraid.  As well as slowly going insane throughout the course of the game thanks to the red marker. Most importantly, he didn’t say a damn word for 99% of the game. It was just you, silence, your gun, and a haunted (basically) ship full of alien monsters trying to kill you. On top of that, innocuous heavy machinery would kill you too. Broken doors would slice you up, malfunctioning gravity plating would slam you into a wall and rip you apart, gyroscopic stabilizers would cut you in half, and most of the ship would try to suck you out into space.


Also dude was newly single and out of shape too.

Dead Space 2 removed this vulnerability and feeling of isolation, but still managed to deliver a tense rollercoaster ride through a different haunted house with some slightly different tricks. Isaac could move more fluidly, guns seemed to be more effective, kinesis powers were more effective and he could use random objects to destroy enemies. He also talked a lot and often met up with living human beings, which made it feel like he wasn’t alone and thus like you weren’t alone. To make up for this, the game featured new enemies who were faster and harder to kill, and the first 6 chapters were basically a gauntlet of brutality for the player to survive. To be fair, you start the game in a straight jacket and the first living human being you meet dies a gruesome death within 20 seconds, and you don’t even get a gun until just before the first boss. The number of enemies also increased to compensate for Isaac suddenly being a badass. It seems his years in a straightjacket somehow magically turned him into a combat engineer, not just a systems engineer.


He only wants a hug, Isaac.

So what did Dead Space 3 do wrong? Well, as it turns out, a lot of things. I’ll save those for another article for the sake of length. Right now, let’s acknowledge what it did right. The overall art design and sound design is still brilliant. This stands out more in the latter half of the game when you get to see vistas on Tau Volantis like the first approach to the research base, or when you reach the alien city and are introduced to their physical appearance as well as their architecture. Before this, though, you do get to see a lot of the flotilla in orbit of the planet and there are some cool shots like this one. The only negative thing I can say about the art design is that the death animations, while still varied, almost all seem to be too fast and result in the same thing – your body chopped into at least 2 pieces. Where Dead Space 1 and 2 took time to show you yourself being murdered, Dead Space 3 just blows you up every 5 minutes and doesn’t even have the courtesy to show you.


On that note, the graphics are also much improved over the first two games. Moreso the first than the second, as Dead Space 2 came out this decade, but the graphics are better. Down to the fur and cloth on some of the outfits blowing in the wind of the frozen wasteland. Animations and character textures have been improved as well and overall the engine used for this game seems to have been tweaked with some more modern capabilities, especially when it comes to postprocessing.


This is definitely a bullshot but with shader mods you can accomplish this.

Just like Dead Space 2, you start out with some living normal humans. And then immediately thereafter, the Church of Unitology shows up and kills the entire colony, turning people into necromorphs and I would think starting a convergence event. You are fighting necros and soldiers who shoot at you, in the streets and alleys and in shops. Whereas Dead Space 2 maintained an intentional pacing and didn’t give you the option of really looking around in the beginning, the sequel does not because there doesn’t seem to be any urgency after you clear an area of necromorphs. The only positive aspect of any of this is the fact that you got to see what “normal” human life might be like for a second. You didn’t really get to see it in Dead Space 2 because everything was dying and covered in blood by the time you saw it, but in 3 you at least get a brief glimpse. Which isn’t saying much, because it’s almost literally nothing. You see some cars, there’s a highway, and the Moon colony seems to be a pretty big settlement. Other than that and setting up the game’s villain, there is nothing notable to come from the first two chapters of the game.

Following that is your arrival in space around Tau Volantis, where you’ll spend the next 6 chapters, otherwise referred to as the Sovereign Colonies flotilla. This is the section of the game that seemed to be on the right track, and the section where the game shined. The ship corridors are tighter than most areas of Dead Space 2, and at most times it feels like a worthy tribute to Dead Space, though it admittedly doesn’t capture the same essence. You still have the vents and necromorphs coming out of them, and the creepy sounds, and the piece by piece backstory that you would expect, but the ships like the Roanoke or the Terra Nova just don’t feel the same.  What makes the flotilla cool is that it has sidequests where you can go exploring and learn the story of these ships, all while still being hounded by regenerators and lots of necromorphs. In addition to that, DS3 improves upon the zero g mechanics and takes them to a whole new level. Basically every zero g sequence is the cover of the game Dark Void, and it’s liberating to finally be able to move whatever direction you want in zero g.


Unfortunately that all comes to an end somewhat quickly, depending on how you play and whether or not you do side quests at all. After that, it’s on to the surface of Tau Volantis, which is its own rollercoaster ride, but it’s just pure action and its downright annoying. The only good trick Dead Space 3 has left at this point is to employ some oldschool survival horror where you’re better off running away than fighting enemies, because it simply spawns too many of them on your face. Unless you have a ridiculously overpowered gun, which you won’t have until after multiple playthroughs, you are better off running.

It’s quite clear that EA tried to please too many audiences at once while really aiming this title at a different group of people than the group that wanted it. You simply can’t do that in a sequel, much less at the end of a trilogy. The third game in a series, where all the games are directly connected and still telling the same story, is not the appropriate time to try to remarket a franchise towards casuals.

Especially when that game only exists because the core gamers bought and supported the first two entries.

Resident Evil – What IS it? Continued


Apologies for the second blog about Resident Evil in 24 hours but, you have seen the name of this site, correct? It’s expected. So the news today is that Capcom made a not-at-all substantial statement mentioning RE7.

Capcom is planning a new Resident Evil spinoff shooter game and multiple new HD remakes, but what about the next entry in the core series? Capcom is still not ready to share specifics about a follow-up to 2012’s Resident Evil 6, but now, veteran producer Masachika Kawata has told fans to “stay tuned.”

“We’re currently not at a state to talk about it,” Kawata said when asked directly about Resident Evil 7 in the latest issue of Japanese gaming magazine Dengeki PlayStation (via Siliconera). “But please stay tuned.”

Asked for a response to the notion that the Resident Evil series is “losing its horror touch,” Kawata seemed to agree, but went on to say that Capcom wants the franchise to return to its horror roots

“Since there’s been more spinoff titles, I can see how it can be perceived in such a way,” Kawata said. “And of course I believe that we should produce titles that bring out the horror. I’m thinking about it and also preparing for it.”

This is not the case. I don’t think he understood the comment he responded to. The game lost its horror roots because of the main series – not because there are “so many spin off titles.”

Revelations 1 and 2 are the closest thing to a real Resident Evil game that have come out in over a decade, and Revelations 2 wasn’t even close. It was just a mashup of Evil Within and Last of Us, with some Metal Gear Solid and RE4 mixed in. Revelations 1 was very close, it’s just the enemies weren’t frightening – ever – and they weren’t zombies or really mutated either. Just grey gelatinous puddles of goop with pointies on them. Real sea creatures are scarier. Like the goblin shark.

Resident Evil’s essence didn’t revolve strictly around horror. The game was 90% inventory management, adventures, puzzles, and piecing together the story from the environment and documents. “Horror”, and the ammo management that came with it, was that extra something that made the game special. Outbreak 1 and 2 were both, for all intents and purposes, real resident evil games. They just had a terrible lack of communication options, and you started out infected and inevitably died, to make it as frustrating as possible. So the only spinoffs that really hurt the series were ORC, Gun Survivor, and Chronicles. These were on rails and/or action games RE4, RE5, and RE6 have each individually done more damage to the franchise than all the spinoffs combined ever could have.

Here’s a no-brainer:

Stop. Listening. To. RE4. Fans.

Trying to make third person action shooters to cater to them is what has ruined this IP.

Any person that says “I loved RE4 and RE5, please go back to them.” is a person you should beimmediately ignoring forever. Resident Evil sold millions when it was Resident Evil. It didn’t sellmore copies once it was Gears of Evil. If you want to sell games to these people with the Resident Evil logo on them, that’s absolutely fine. But they need to be clearly separated from the normal product line with a common subtitle like Outbreak (not to be confused with the Outbreak games which were great) or something. I will gladly buy an offline single player or co op third person action shooter product that focuses on the BSAA – that’s perfectly fine. I trulyliked Chris’s campaign. It was the only good, functional, cohesive part of RE6 other than Ada’s story. Ada’s story doesn’t count because it was required to figure out what the fuck just happened in the previous 20 hours of the game. I didn’t like how Chris’s campaign wasn’t Resident Evil, but I liked what it was. Just stop shovelling that horse shit into the main series.

You can honest to god keep the over the shoulder camera. It can stay. 3d environments can stay. What needs to come back is the adventure gameplay. Keeping track of your inventory and the items you need within that inventory in order to open doors and solve puzzles, to progress in the game. Creepy, claustrophobic environments with grandiose music and elegance to them that reflect the degree of insanity in the people you’re dealing with. Reading documents that reveal the plot one fragment at a time so that you can piece it all together yourself – not constant cutscenes being shoved in your face every 2.5 seconds that serve no purpose whatsoever except to put in more exploding set pieces or sequences that would have been slightly off if you had control. No co op. If you must do co op, do it like RE0, or do it like Outbreak – nothing else. No exceptions.

What needs to go is the kung fu fighting, the free melee, the upgradable guns, the copious ammo and healing items, and the hordes of enemies at every turn. The mind controlled enemy zombie militias with assault rifles and rocket launchers and miniguns and crossbows, and wings. The main characters who have lived through 4 or 5 outbreaks yet can’t identify when a fucking human being has been infected and turned into a zombie (LOOKING AT YOU LEON AND CHRIS) Those need to go, forever. RE6 seemed like it attempted to deal with Chris’s development and his PTSD – something touched upon frequently in RE5 commercials but literally never even mentioned in the game – but they tried to Tarantino it and did a shit job. The constantly exploding setpieces, the plane crashes, the on rails vehicle segments, the jet plane flying, all of that shit needs to go away for all eternity, as well. Listen, Capcom. Within 1 hour of starting RE6 – if you play Leon’s campaign first – there are no fewer than 100 exploding cars, at least 10 car crashes either right in front of you or with you in them, an entire street that explodes and collapses, and an exploding Harrier. This is in the fucking prologue. The tutorial! Are you kidding!?!!?!?!?!

Sherry, Leon, Ada – no development whatsoever. None. Not one single iota. And once again, despite Wesker being DEAD, the only real conflict in the story revolved around him, this time the fact that he was dead.

Resident Evil – What IS it?


As of late, Capcom has been publishing data regarding its franchise sales and success on a regular basis, and of course with E3 coming up soon, there is once again a lot of talk about reviving the Resident Evil franchise. A lot of alleged fans come out of the woodwork to say that RE4 was the best of the series and that people clamoring for a return to form need to take off their nostalgia goggles. I concede that it would be better to have better controls a la Dead Space or RE6 – and it would be better to have the option to change camera angles, but not one single other thing from RE4 needs to ever show its face in the franchise again.

RE4 has nothing to do with Resident Evil. Capcom – and Mikami himself in that case – thinks that throwing in a couple of characters that fans were familiar with and liked, and emulating what they did before in good games is all they need to do to make another entry. It’s not. The story had no connection whatsoever with the established lore – 8+ games worth I might add by the time RE4 came out – other than the text at the beginning of the game and the obligatory, off-topic references to and inclusion of Ada and Wesker. Krauser and Leon’s backstory didn’t even exist yet when they put him in the game.

It’s not a Resident Evil game. It’s not even a survival horror game. Literally the only moment of “fear” in that entire game was the first time you encountered Dr. Salvador because you didn’t know what would happen and if he was an insta-death. Once you found out that he was, there was no more tension in that game that didn’t come simply from your own desire not to die and have to replay part of it. Considering the frequent save points, and not needing ribbons, even that was minimal. Combine that with the fact that you can literally buy first aid sprays, upgrade your guns and subsequently get free ammo doing so, the fact that you have grenades and sniper rifles and can buy rocket launchers, there’s nothing suspenseful about the game. It was entirely action.

Allow me to reiterate: I do like RE4. It was a good game. I spent all my gaming time when it came out playing that game with my best friend until we unlocked every last thing possible (well, before the full PS2 version came out), even in public at our local video game store. I own the original, the PS2 port, the original mess of a PC port, RE4 HD on 360 and RE4 HD on PC. But, it’s not a Resident Evil game, and that precludes it from being the best Resident Evil game.

The influx of “kids” who never played RE Directors Cut, RE2, RE3, RE Code Veronica, REmake, RE0, and Outbreak 1 and 2 in that order are what has caused the franchise – in terms of quality – to nosedive. They played RE4 and thought it was the best game ever made, so Capcom has tried to emulate that unsuccessfully ever since. I’m sure a lot of people who liked original RE played it and liked it, but if you played them contemporarily when released and then jumped ship to the action, all I can say is that you’re a sellout.

And so this is why Resident Evil has had an identity crisis for the last 10 years of its 19 year existence. At this point it is mathematically more appropriate to call it an action game, than a survival horror or even an adventure game. Capcom is trying to appeal to two radically different groups of fans and ends up attempting to appease them both. RE4 introduced ridiculous gameplay moments like those below:



Since this, the identity crisis suffered by this franchise has soared to hilarious, indescribable new heights. It reached the pinnacle of absurdity in Resident Evil 6, which featured the disgusting failures the below screenshots only hint at. If you haven’t played Resident Evil 6 but are a fan, be warned: You have to pilot a fucking fighter jet. You attack a Neo-Umbrella aircraft carrier with a fighter jet. This is the franchise where you had to re-arrange statues to get gems to get a key in 1998 and you couldn’t even aim your gun. In 2011, you are flying a god damn fighter jet.

maxresdefault (1) maxresdefault (2)

The amount of vehicles you have to “control” in Resident Evil 6 is simply fucking ridiculous. You control Air Force One, a scout helicopter, a UH-60 variant helicopter, a Harrier fighter jet, a police cruiser, a motorcycle, and a snow mobile. This is in addition to the set pieces. RE6 features so many exploding set pieces, it’s unfathomable that Capcom wasn’t having a contest with Activision. Exploding cars by the dozens, exploding planes, exploding helicopters, exploding ships, exploding trains, collapsing Moria mines, nuclear explosions, exploding rail artillery guns, exploding submarines, exploding giant houseflies, epic avalanches…Resident Evil 6 is the most ridiculous Call of Duty game in history.

As if the explosions and set pieces and raging fires weren’t bad enough in that game, they also mashed as many other games as possible together, like Gears of War. Look, I actually admit that Chris’s campaign was the best campaign in the game. It physically hurts me to say so, but it’s the truth. If Resident Evil were to just split off into a third person action shooter about the BSAA fighting bioterrorism, Chris’s campaign would be a great template to follow in order to accomplish that goal. That being said, what the hell is this? No seriously, though, I’m legitimately asking. What were these things called? You only had to kill 2 of them but there was never an explicit answer who made them or why. Are we to assume it was Neo-Umbrella?


Sidenote, what fake build of RE6 is this screenshot taken from? The game does not look this good on absolute ultra graphics on PC.

Back on topic. To make matters worse, Resident Evil 6 is the best selling entry in the entire franchise. Certainly this sends a message to Capcom that we want action games, and that really isn’t the truth. Especially now that Revelations 2 didn’t sell as many copies as almost any other entry in the series. At this point in time, Capcom has actually commented that they may just keep making the main numbered entries into action games, and save what little similarities to the original game still exist for the Revelations games. Capcom, of course, says a lot of nonsensical things about Resident Evil.

Keiji Inafune – legendary creator of Megaman, the guy who left Capcom because they wouldn’t make a new Megaman game and then made it anyway (the one that we’re waiting for because it got delayed to 2016) made a statement in 2010 that Capcom wanted Dead Rising to replace Resident Evil as their zombie franchise (http://goo.gl/QDDw4E). That’s the extent of this ridiculousness.

We know now how that worked out. Capcom released the worst Resident Evil game in history the next year, and then contracted Slant Six to make the second worst game in Resident Evil history. Shortly after that they released the only good Resident Evil game in 7 years, and then Dead Rising 3 did not at all meet their expectations. So, those plans got axed. It seems at this point like Capcom is trying not to continue the RE franchise but they keep doing it begrudgingly because people want it – like the fact that it took them 14 years and 2 separate fan remakes of Resident Evil 2 before they finally decided to officially remake the game, along with the fact that they remastered RE0 and REmake.

At the same time, Capcom is making an online only competitive Resident Evil shooter that won’t even have Resident Evil in the title. I think it’s safe to say that after 10 years of struggling with this franchises identity, even having proven data with Revelations 1 and 2 that shows people want the horror back, Capcom still has no idea what to do with their IP. Barry and Jill’s frequent, badly voice acted query from day 1 is perfectly appropriate 19 years later and seems to be what Capcom employees are still asking each other when they have meetings.

What IS it?!

Fake PC Gamers

The group of gamers I hate more than anything – more than Sony fanboys, more than Nintendo fanboys, or Xbox fanboys, even more than actual PC gamers, is fake PC gamers. Seriously.  Just look at this.


What a fucking idiot. These people shouldn’t be allowed on a computer or the internet at all. He didn’t even bother to research his bullshit statement. Literally 4 seconds of Googling would have proven him wrong. 1920×1080 didn’t EXIST in 2001. Wide screen 16:9 PC monitors were not for sale, in 2001. They weren’t even widely available until 2005 and furthermore, you weren’t running CS at 60 fps WITH a brand new GPU in 2001.

Know how I know that? Because I was fucking there. CS was my shit. Of all the frequent LAN parties I went to, I never even met a person with a widescreen monitor that did 1080p. You would think one of those hundreds of people, some of whom were gauranteed to have better machines, would have one. Oh wait I know, because they didn’t exist.

That’s aside from the fact that out of over 100 million games, the minority is running games in 4K. 4K monitors are more expensive than the actual GPUs needed to run games at 4k. Not everyone is doing it, or using display port.


And this is all because of, essentially, the above pic – because Squeenix released the worst PC port of all PC releases this entire year, and said they would do better next time.

Call of Duty

Call of Duty is the worst franchise ever.

The debate rages on all over the net and in real life. People who don’t like shitty games, versus people who love shitty games, with self-appointed adjudicators in the middle who should just shut up and stay that way. You’ll see it everywhere, whether it’s tangential or not to the topic at hand, it all boils down to Call of Duty. There are two major groups: those who absolutely hate it and all it stands for, and those who continue to buy it and proclaim it the most amazing thing ever.

Most of the people who hate Call of Duty have ample reason and first-hand experience to support doing so. I’m one of them. I used to be in a high-ranked CoD 2 clan, in the early years of last decade. We practiced and played CoD 2 all the time, to the neglect of high quality good games. It was a completely different game back then, when you were shooting German soldiers and Nazis. You didn’t have sticky bombs, mortars, predator drones, nukes, ballistic knives, or any of the other mountains of nonsense present in the past 6 Call of Duty titles, like attack dogs.

Let’s face it, the first person shooter genre is more stale at this point than a carton of cigarettes in Fallout, and those are worth more too – they’ll net you 35 caps or more. CoD only managed to succeed because it transcended World War 2, took an idea directly from many other games like Counter-Strike or Battlefield 2, and put a terrible new twist on it that has defined the industry for years since – not in a good way, either. After all, even when CoD came out in 2002, we had all shot more Germans than WW1 and WW2 combined, in games like Day of Defeat, Medal of Honor, World War 2 online, and many others.

Now, we’re shooting various ethnicities per game. Russians, Chinese, Cuban, American, British, Brazillian, French, whatever, the list goes on. All the while the gameplay stays exactly the same, The multiplayer stays disappointing.  These days, I’m starting to determine my age using the annual Call of Duty announcement, rather than my actual birthday. What do we have now? Advanced Warfare? Kevin Spacey, ooooh all the kids love him in House of Cards. We want our franchise to be talked about as much as Game of Thrones.

In order for your franchise to be talked about like Game of Thrones, you’re missing a key element:

People give a fuck about the characters and story in GoT. They hate the Lannisters. They hate the Greyjoys, and Roose, and they want to hate the Baratheons too. They loved or liked the Starks.  Entire book sagas and going on 40 hours of film give you that amount of time with these characters. Furthermore, they are brought to life by actors who are on film – not digitized, not voice acting. There is nothing any character in CoD could possibly do to make you hate them as much as Joffrey Lannister. Even so, the CoD franchise is bereft of any ability to deliver a story on the level of any TV show, even if you don’t hold Thrones in high regard.

And seriously, with the title? Advanced Warfare? Advance Wars, Modern Warfare, Warfighter, Advanced Warfighter, Future Solider, Future War, those were all taken so you went with Advanced Warfare?

Call me when you make Call of Duty: Jurassic Warfare. Call of Duty: Prehistoric Warfare. Call of Duty: Ancient Warfare, something that at least pretends to be different.

Capcom Hates Megaman and his fans

In 2008, Capcom released lifetime sales data for all their franchises. Shockingly enough, Megaman is number 2, right behind Resident Evil. Obviously this data is 5 years old and they’ve released several new IPs since then, and no Megaman games whatsoever, but it stands to question:

Why are they purposely cancelling Megaman projects like legends? Why, if they are devoting resources to games like CVX HD and RE4 HD, can they not go back and bust out a Megaman X HD Trilogy and port it to PC/Box/PS3? Or even just PS3?

I know I’m only the 9 millionth person to ask why Capcom has literally abandoned one of their top franchises and one of the legends of the gaming industry, but the question bears repeating.


Naughty Dog

Anyone who actually reads this or talks to me should understand my stance on Naughty Dog by now. I need to vent, though, so here be ye:

People, and when I say people I mean Sony kids, because no one except Sony kids can say something this absurdly ignorant and disgusting, say that Naughty Dog is the best developer in the world. Supposedly. Ninja Theory said it when Uncharted 2 came out. Plenty of pathetic kids on the internet say it: you’ll easily find 5 appropriate hits at the top of a Google search, three of them on IGN, a Sony fanboy site.

Naughty Dog has made eight games, ever. Four of them were Jak and Daxter games. Three of them were Uncharted. One was The Last of Us. Considering I reviewed all four of their PS3 games, you should easily see my experienced opinion on them within a few mouse clicks. Suffice it to say, Naughty Dog is very far from the best console game developer – that’s just a ludicrous statement.

So when I see things like this written – and every article on every gaming site has one because it’s mandatory, those are the rules of the internet, I get disgusted and want to leave the site.

NDThe universe possesses neither enough faces, nor enough palms, to handle something this incredibly asinine. It is a physical impossibility due to a lack of supply. I hate to tell you this but if you played Uncharted 1, 2, and 3, even if you played Uncharted 1; and the sheer linearity, lack of creativity, horrible gameplay, and overall contriteness of it’s thrown-together mash-up of concepts (which by the way, are not new or ahead of the curve – Indiana Jones came out in 1981) did not cause you to question your decision a minimum of 6 times, you aren’t a gamer – you’re a tool. 

“But Grenadeh why does enjoying a game make me a tool?”

Enjoying it doesn’t make you a tool. Going on to then gush sycophantic about a completely overrated and honestly bad game, that makes you a tool. Especially when you do it in public, to an audience of your “peers” – many of whom don’t know you, can tell you’re an asshole, and will not hesitate to tell you so. Let’s fast forward to TLOU. Once again, ND took a bunch of long established genre memes, and mashed them together into a mostly coherent but contrite story that brought absolutely nothing new to the table in terms of story-telling, game-play, game-design, or story itself.

It’s worth mentioning that you could say the same thing about Dead Space – a game I worship – if you want to. You’re welcome to say that. It’s false because – whereas you can compare Uncharted to Indiana Jones, it also has its origins in Tomb Raider, and a lot of novels. The idea is far more beaten to death by popular media than “space horror”. Dead Space, on the other hand, takes some inspiration from Event Horizon, Aliens, The Thing, and others, but more than anything it takes inspiration from System Shock 1 and 2 – both the version of two we did get, and the intended version that Levine and his team could not make because of technological limitations. Even just analyzing movies, there really is not enough source in sci-fi movies to call anything in Dead Space truly cliche. The jump scares are cliche, for sure, but that’s about it.

So, please tell me, I would love to know, how Naughty Dog could make a Turok game, and do anything but ruin it? Naughty Dog hasn’t made real games since PS2, nor do they show any sign of going back to those. Hollywood-esque games rake in more cash than Jak and Dexter ever did, and they will stick with what makes Sony money. See this? Naughty Dog would never be able to make a game with this:


That’s a T-Rex with a mother fucking laser cannon attached to it’s head.

cerebral_bore2This is a god damn cerebral bore. It’s a heat-seeking remote drone that drills into an enemies head and liquefies their brains as it sucks them into the air. Naughty Dog can’t make that shit.

So take your pathetic, disgusting Sony fanboyism, and seriously, keep it to yourself. No one wants to hear it, because anyone with any experience whatsoever playing video games knows Uncharted and TLOU are recycled, half-baked shit and they are meaningless to real gamers.

PS4 does *not* have the potential to alter the landscape of gaming

So there’s this article:


to which I have this to say:

This is ridiculous. Good old idiots of the industry, I feel like they all meet like a Stupid League of Stupid. Pachter, Bliesenzski, Molyneaux, and many others.

PS4 has the potential to fundamentally alter the gaming landscape?

It simply doesn’t. Let’s look at the facts:

X-box One was set to actually introduce revolutionary new features for consoles. Game sharing, disc authentication, full voice and motion integration for game controls, digital reselling and full digital distribution, second-hand sales that actually benefited the publisher, potential cloud-computing on more than a storage level, first-party game DVR/streaming, full multi-tasking ability in-application, out-of-the-box video and voice chat, television integration and achievements, and more. Many of these were common-place features in Steam and other digital distribution platforms on PC, or just due to the very nature of PC gaming itself.

Any person in the world can log in to your Steam account and play whatever games you have on their computer – all they have to do is authenticate. You can share your library with them as long as they can be trusted with your collection. You can’t use it at the same time, at least I don’t think so – you can authorize a certain amount of machines just like Apple. You can gift games on Steam, something you still can’t do on XBL or PSN and who knows why. You get utterly ridiculous sales, like this whole next 10 days on Steam, where you can get all the games you could never have time to play for almost no cost. They won’t be tangible copies you can display, but if your sole intent is to play them for now, you’re sitting pretty. There is very little downside to this at all, other than the EULA itself http://store.steampowered.com/subscriber_agreement/

Playstation 4, from day one, was set to do nothing revolutionary whatsoever for consoles except add first-party game streaming/sharing features and make your GUI look a little bit more like Raptr/Playfire/Steam on PCs. Aside from that, it was at it’s core an upgrade to the PS3. There was literally no other innovation, at ALL, to be found.

Sony Defense Force, 90% of whom are not Microsoft customers nor potential customers, and a small sliver of a couple thousand 360 crybabies, raised the most stink that a vocal minority has ever raised about an optional product that they have the option not to buy. So, Microsoft, because they want to make money, removed every single truly revolutionary feature the Xbox One was set to have except for TV functionality and game DVR, essentially making it just an upgraded Xbox 360.

So no, lead system architect Mark Cerny, you’re completely full of shit, just like everyone else in the industry.

X-Box 1 versus PS4, begin!

 A lot has happened, supposedly, that I haven’t posted on. Most importantly, Epic Console Battles of History has returned (no unfortunately there are not epiclloyd/nicepter video game battles). The rumor mill has been churning 24 hours a day, with a vengeance, for the past year about the new consoles from Sony and Microsoft. Sony came out months ago and made a completely vague, aimless, pointless facade of a console reveal that showed nothing but a new controller, and some tech demo’s running on PCs – basically, a Square Enix demo of the beautiful Luminous engine which will never be used to create a good game, showing some more or less unimpressive scenes to those who are already knee deep or further in the online 3D community.
Sony fanboys have fired the first and pretty much every salvo – the only salvos really – in the fan-boy war to decide which company’s  user-base and most dedicated trolls can affect the others sales as much as possible. I say that as a neutral observer because obviously I can’t see every single comment made by every single neckbeard or minor on the internet arguing about this – nor do I want to because I’m sick of it and I hope they all choke to death on a piece of plastic wrap when they unpack their new purchases – but from what I have seen, Sony’s paying sex-slaves are being viciously over-aggressive and inappropriate, and Microsoft fanboys are doing one of two things:
To recap: Xbox fans are jumping ship, or, they’re being reasonable and saying “Let’s wait till E3. I shall hold my judgement till I have more information.” That sounds like an adult thing to do, doesn’t it?
Here’s what PS fanboys are doing: idiotps3

And so here is what I say to them:

@Incubus420 Yea what you just described, is not a gaming machine, you stupid fuckface. That’s the very definition of a multimedia entertainment machine. The same thing the PS3 is, the same thing the Xbox 360 is, the same thing the PS2 was, the same thing the Xbox was, and most importantly the same thing the XB1 is. That’s kind of why, since the very first generation of consoles, they have been called Entertainment Systems, not Gaming Systems.

Entertainment encompasses many forms, not just video games.

And, the last time I checked, being a jack of many trades did not hold back the PS2, the Xbox, the 360, the PS3, Windows or OSX in the SLIGHTEST bit when it came to excelling as a gaming platform.7nTnr

No fucking shit, right? I’m not going to be nice, either. You’re a retard if you say what the above guy, who I will not censor the name of because it doesn’t matter, said. It’s a simple denial of the facts if you say something like that. The PlayStation 2 played DVDs. It had a remote control accessory to control the DVD player. The Xbox played DVDs, it had a remote control accessory to control the DVD player. If you took it one step further and hacked your Xbox, you could put XBMC on it – which to this day is still one of the best Media Center options around if you, or someone you’re friends with, knows how to do it. Even if not you can drop someone 50 dollars to do what, an hour of softmodding? Anyone who knows how to do it and would turn down a free 50 dollars for an hour of not working is a fool anyway.

The Xbox 360 is a multimedia entertainment system. It plays DVDs. It plays games. It streams network and internet music and video services, and has a web browser. It has a motion sensor that plays games, helps you work out, and can be used by enterprising scientists for a number of applications, such as being hacked into a 3D scanner. The PS3 is a multimedia entertainment system. It plays DVDS. It plays Blu-Rays. It streams network and internet music and video services. It plays games. It also has a motion controller that plays games and can be used by enterprising people to be turned into something else.

The Wii is a multimedia entertainment system. It plays games. It has streaming network capabilities to play videos and music off of the internet, as well as web browsing. It sucks at it and at everything else but it can do it. It also has a motion sensor that can do things, like break TVs, walls, people, itself, and much more.

The Wii U is a multimedia entertainment system. It plays games. It has streaming network capabilities to play videos and music off of the internet, as well as other internet services like the weather channel. It also sucks at some things and has the ability to maybe be a good system if publishers would release games for it and get some more hype.

See what I did there? You are going to bitch and whine about the Xbox One, or the PS4, doing the exact same things that the Xbox 360 and PS4 currently do, better, all the while being completely ignorant of the product(s) that you already own and what that product can do?

It’s not just the “TV TV TV kinect kinect kinect football tv tv tv tv” thing, either. People do actually have some legitimate concerns about the Xbox One and the PS4, if it goes the same route which it will, and have no guilt over having blown them completely out of proportion, either.

Microsoft knows full well that a very large portion of the gaming market is based on second-hand sales.

XBL vs PSN Achievements

One of the chief reasons why PSN is significantly more terrible than XBL (expectedly as it is “free” – it’s actually not free) is that the trophy support simply blows in comparison. In order to sync trophies with the servers, you have to actually authorize your PS3 to do so – manually. On system boot. If there is a setting, I defnitely missed it.

XBL automatically updates your trophy info in real time. So, for instance, all the time I spent playing Tomb Raider or RE6 on my PS3 in the past 24 hours is absent from my profile. As soon as you get an achievement on XBL, boom, there it is – on your  network profile, on your local profile, on your screen.

Considering that PSN Plus is more expensive than XBL Gold and really gives you nothing except for free game rentals for the duration of your membership – otherwise known as paid monthly rentals – people need to examine the evidence. PSN is free, if you don’t want to pay for it, and it blows either way. I pay for PS+. I pay for XBL Gold. For my money, neither is worth it, but XBL would be more worth it, were it to have any value. Until it gives me free games permanently I’ll pay for it but not like it.