Doom review

What is this? It’s not really Doom.

Doom 4 throws you into the action immediately – like the original. Good? After a brief scene that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and hints at a really, really dumb twist about Doomguy, you are tossed into action shooting possesed in a brief battle that shows how insanely, boringly easy this game is.

20160514152515_1

The level design so far is uninspired and…industrial. None of the levels have any of the charm of the original games and they are just so boring and lifeless. They may be aesthetically pretty – some of them anyway like this room – but it’s entirely skin deep. They are all so lazily laid out that it almost dwarves the re-introduction of colored keycards/skulls, because getting each of them is an effortless affair that almost always requires a simple trot down a hallway, and a punchfest with a few demons. On top of that, the game – because it is 3D – has platforming in it. Why is there platforming in my Doom? Why am I dropkick brutalizing demons? Yes, I’m aware there was elevation in Doom, but it was almost always out of your control. The platforming only gets worse too, with the argent tower, and the levels gain a large degree of verticality to them once you get to Hell. There is literally an entire level of nothing but platforming (also some demons) which appears to only have been put in the game to justify the jump boots.

I play games like Far Cry or Dying Light or Mirror’s Edge if I want first person platforming. Don’t ever do this again.

Doom-Argent-Energy-Tower-Secret-4-900x506

Doom 4’s soundtrack is pretty much non-existent and the only time I can remember hearing it was after the silly intro, where something half decent and almost resembling the amazing fan recordings of Doom in the metal style played. I will keep my ears and eyes out for a mod that lets you put in Andrew Hulshults excellent Doom album. On a positive note, once you get to hell the music definitely improves, but it doesn’t excuse the lack of music in the first 4 levels. And really, all I hear is Demon Hunter, like I’m playing KF2. No offense, Demon Hunter is just dreadfully boring pseudo-neo-stoner-metal. And even then it’s only after you kill a demon nest and fight off a wave that you hear any real music.

20160515122451_1
For the first half of the game, new enemies are introduced in a bland, generic way where none of them are given any pomp and circumstance – they just happen to join the fray. I didn’t even realize the first time I was fighting a Hell Knight until I had already half killed him, and it only registered for a brief few seconds in my mind before he was dead anyway. Best of all, there are a lot of enemy types, so it’s just a constant repeat of “hmm what’s this random guy I haven’t seen this one I don’t think, oh he’s dead.” Until the Manccubus. Then almost every enemy afterwards gets special treatment. They put minimal personality in to the introduction of these enemies. The ONLY time that half of the game even had a little cutscene to say “OMG” was when you fight the first Mancubbus, and then immediately after that you are fighting Mancubbi all the time. Remember the first time you encountered a Pinky in Doom 3? It was scary and it was awesome. In this game, the System Shock 2 hologram ♥♥♥♥ shows you what a Pinky looks like long before you ever see one. Sidenote: They are somehow stronger enemies than all new enemies introduced until that point. Pinkys, the guys who took 3 shotgun hits to kill, are stronger than Barons.

20160515193225_1

They have definitely put in effort to making the game an actual Doom game as opposed to Doom 3.The fact that enemies are three dimensional combined with the fact that they actually move around and try to flank you makes it interesting, but combat becomes thoroughly mindless and just… boring less than halfway through the game. Glory killing everything to death is too easy and far too likely for you to become overreliant upon, especially with enemies that are otherwise bullet sponges. It basically negates the entire point of Doom to have this feature be so powerful, because the weapons are boring and not fun to use and more often than not, they serve no purpose but to weaken an enemy so you can instakill them. In fact that’s even one of the Rune challenges. The weapons still feel like they have no weight or umph to them, just like in the multiplayer beta. By the way, this game literally has the Halo plasma pistol in it. It may be a different model and fire different colored plasma, but it is the exact same gun. Right click to charge fire a powerful shot left click to spam. The only difference is it has infinite ammo.

To exacerbate that, it doesn’t feel like enemies are any threat to you either. The only enemies that ever concern me are Hell Knights and it’s only because they are fast and follow you around with a ground pound attack – even Barons are harmless. Summoners? Don’t care. Manccubi? Too slow to matter. Revenants? Lol, so easy to kill. It doesn’t even feel like you’re in danger when revenants rocket spam you, and the same applies to all the various projectile weapons demons and posessed toss at you. I played half the game before I died from an enemy and the only reason that happened is because I didn’t actually look where I was going and ended up running in to a laser. That was the one and only time I died in the entire game from an enemy. Every other death has been fall damage or from the BFG laser grid.

20160515203947_1

By the way, the inclusion of puzzles over halfway through the game is very bad game design, especially in Doom

The graphics are pretty and the game is mostly well optimized. You can cry all you want about how Rage had a lot of memory issues because of textures, and how those same issues persisted in The New Order (you’re wrong if you do), but this game runs just fine. When it runs. I did not have any issues until Hell on Mars and then my FPS flatlined at like 12 frames, for no discernible reason. My GPU wasn’t overheating, my CPU wasn’t overheating, my SSD wasn’t overheating andnothing else was running.

The effects look pretty cool from the explosions and the glowing magma to the red dust storms on the planets surface. It all still looks generic and clay, though, like Doom 3 did. The only difference is they learned how bump mapping and specular mapping works so now it’s not as bad. On top of that, the physics in the game are inconsistent and decide when they exist. You can run directly into an object and it won’t move, but then run into the same object somewhere else and it goes flying. And of course, as with all modern games with physics, objects will move slightly and then get caught in an endless loop, making more noise and being more disconcerting than the enemies.

Should I even mention the story? Think Doom 3, but with a commune communitatis trope (so overused) underlying the completely absurd story. A story where Demons can evidently be captured like Pokemon, and Hell is accepted unquestionably as a physical place. A place being treated more like the rain forest or Iraq or something, rather than THE SCARIEST THING IMAGINABLE. Not only is the story terrible, but there’s too much of it, and the game too often forces you to remember there’s a bad story behind all the demon blood and explosions by wrestling control away from you in story moments when you activate a switch or grab a thing. Did I mention the really, really, really dumb twist about Doomguy? The one I hinted at?

Multiplayer? So bad. So unbalanced. Nothing has changed since beta except now people have BFGs and Manccubi. The god awful lag is still there. You’re still playing with people in a bunker underneath New Zealand who literally found a way to make string carry a phone signal. There still is no matchmaking balance whatsoever, resulting in teams of nobs with automatic rifles fighting people with BFGs and manccubis, and people who are simply on the other side of the planet. Something that literally should never ever be happening unless they are the *only* other people playing. PS It’s still Peer to Peer matchmaking, a lesson even Activision learned from.

I would not pay full price, but it’s definitely better than Doom 3.

PlayStation Slays PC Peasant Race!

First post of the new year. Too busy to really care about games or play games, and progress continues at an iron atoms pace.

What I do have ample opportunity to do, though, as seems to be the norm when you spend all  your time working an IT desk job, is peruse the silly decades old console peasant wars that are going on. They’ve spilled out of peasant territory and console gamers actually think they are disproving the fact that PC gaming is superior.

I don’t like “PC Master Race.” So I am not taking a stand for “their” side. When I say them, I mean the PC Master Race subreddit. The alleged, self-proclaimed “first unified PC gaming community.” I believe in PC Master Race, because it’s fact. We just didn’t call it that in the 90s, we called ourselves elitists because it’s still the proper term, but the terminology really doesn’t matter. That whole bullshit “It’s insensitive and Nazi’s and waah” thing has no place in any modern society because only an absolutely braindead fuckmuffin would believe that people are wittingly equating themselves to what is undeniably the most horrific group of sadists in history.

However, I won’t be going into that. Not in that post. I have an entire separate post full of hatred to discuss the PCMR subreddit. I’m here to publicly laugh at a specific person who posted the below joke of a post on that subreddit. I don’t know if they were serious, but it doesn’t matter.

I can’t actually find the picture so I’ll have to find it from my work browsing history, because Reddit has  a terrible search.

This kid basically said something like “Of all these games barely more than 100 are coming to PC” and he posts a list of literally every game ever released for PS4 so far – about 600 games. Over 120 of them were on PC that I knew of off the top of my head for a fact – because I have them. More importantly, these are games that came from PC, like War Thunder, DayZ, PlanetSide 2, Brawlhalla, and so many more. Among the others in the list were games that are obviously coming to PC – like Ys VIII. Umbrella Ops or whatever that shitty new game is, confirmed for PC a long time ago. Just exactly like I said it was months ago on GameSpot before getting banned for the nth time. “You don’t know that.” said the peasants.

Yes. I do. I do know that, because I’ve been gaming for 30 years. I can and will accurately tell you exactly what is going to happen, as I have been doing for years.

Back to the point, 120 that I knew of off the top of my head without doing any Googling. Games like Nobunagas Ambition: Sphere of Influence, Umbrella Ops, Ys….

Really? Is that the best you can do? Cite a few Japanese exclusives and other first party games Sony keeps in house?

What Dead Space 3 Did Right

I’ve finally done it. I finally beat Dead Space 3….the normal campaign anyway. After 2 years of procrastination.

In fact, the only Dead Space game I ever played that I did beat in a reasonable time frame was Dead Space 2. Dead Space 1 and Dead Space 3 took me extended periods of time, for axiomatically different reasons that serve to emphasize what types of games they are. Whereas I put Dead Space down after chapter 2 and didn’t pick it up for nearly a year afterwards because I was frightened to find out what was behind that med bay door, I put Dead Space 3 down because I knew what was behind the next door, and I simply did not care.

screen610

Surprise, it’s an entire platoon of necros. Guys? Where are you going? You’re not surprised?

Dead Space 3’s failure as a Dead Space game, and as a survival horror game, can not be simplified any further than that sentence because after the first chapter, you will know almost exactly what to expect for the next 18. Fortunately it seems to be widely agreed that the game was a misstep, so it doesn’t need to be made any clearer than a simple sentence.

Let me take a step back and provide some clarification. I am not a little girl. I don’t scream in fright at any game – horror or not. You can rest assured I’ll yell some words, but they’ll be expletives, and not girlish cries. So Dead Space was never shit your pants scary, no. In spite of that, Visceral employed a great mixture of pacing and environmental design that allowed common gameplay tropes to exist, while still creating a brilliant haunted carnival house that was one of the most memorable and enjoyable horror experiences in video game history.

Isaac was vulnerable, he was essentially alone, and he was afraid.  As well as slowly going insane throughout the course of the game thanks to the red marker. Most importantly, he didn’t say a damn word for 99% of the game. It was just you, silence, your gun, and a haunted (basically) ship full of alien monsters trying to kill you. On top of that, innocuous heavy machinery would kill you too. Broken doors would slice you up, malfunctioning gravity plating would slam you into a wall and rip you apart, gyroscopic stabilizers would cut you in half, and most of the ship would try to suck you out into space.

IsaacClarke.jpg

Also dude was newly single and out of shape too.

Dead Space 2 removed this vulnerability and feeling of isolation, but still managed to deliver a tense rollercoaster ride through a different haunted house with some slightly different tricks. Isaac could move more fluidly, guns seemed to be more effective, kinesis powers were more effective and he could use random objects to destroy enemies. He also talked a lot and often met up with living human beings, which made it feel like he wasn’t alone and thus like you weren’t alone. To make up for this, the game featured new enemies who were faster and harder to kill, and the first 6 chapters were basically a gauntlet of brutality for the player to survive. To be fair, you start the game in a straight jacket and the first living human being you meet dies a gruesome death within 20 seconds, and you don’t even get a gun until just before the first boss. The number of enemies also increased to compensate for Isaac suddenly being a badass. It seems his years in a straightjacket somehow magically turned him into a combat engineer, not just a systems engineer.

Ds36

He only wants a hug, Isaac.

So what did Dead Space 3 do wrong? Well, as it turns out, a lot of things. I’ll save those for another article for the sake of length. Right now, let’s acknowledge what it did right. The overall art design and sound design is still brilliant. This stands out more in the latter half of the game when you get to see vistas on Tau Volantis like the first approach to the research base, or when you reach the alien city and are introduced to their physical appearance as well as their architecture. Before this, though, you do get to see a lot of the flotilla in orbit of the planet and there are some cool shots like this one. The only negative thing I can say about the art design is that the death animations, while still varied, almost all seem to be too fast and result in the same thing – your body chopped into at least 2 pieces. Where Dead Space 1 and 2 took time to show you yourself being murdered, Dead Space 3 just blows you up every 5 minutes and doesn’t even have the courtesy to show you.

dead-space-3-screenshot-4

On that note, the graphics are also much improved over the first two games. Moreso the first than the second, as Dead Space 2 came out this decade, but the graphics are better. Down to the fur and cloth on some of the outfits blowing in the wind of the frozen wasteland. Animations and character textures have been improved as well and overall the engine used for this game seems to have been tweaked with some more modern capabilities, especially when it comes to postprocessing.

default.jpg

This is definitely a bullshot but with shader mods you can accomplish this.

Just like Dead Space 2, you start out with some living normal humans. And then immediately thereafter, the Church of Unitology shows up and kills the entire colony, turning people into necromorphs and I would think starting a convergence event. You are fighting necros and soldiers who shoot at you, in the streets and alleys and in shops. Whereas Dead Space 2 maintained an intentional pacing and didn’t give you the option of really looking around in the beginning, the sequel does not because there doesn’t seem to be any urgency after you clear an area of necromorphs. The only positive aspect of any of this is the fact that you got to see what “normal” human life might be like for a second. You didn’t really get to see it in Dead Space 2 because everything was dying and covered in blood by the time you saw it, but in 3 you at least get a brief glimpse. Which isn’t saying much, because it’s almost literally nothing. You see some cars, there’s a highway, and the Moon colony seems to be a pretty big settlement. Other than that and setting up the game’s villain, there is nothing notable to come from the first two chapters of the game.

Following that is your arrival in space around Tau Volantis, where you’ll spend the next 6 chapters, otherwise referred to as the Sovereign Colonies flotilla. This is the section of the game that seemed to be on the right track, and the section where the game shined. The ship corridors are tighter than most areas of Dead Space 2, and at most times it feels like a worthy tribute to Dead Space, though it admittedly doesn’t capture the same essence. You still have the vents and necromorphs coming out of them, and the creepy sounds, and the piece by piece backstory that you would expect, but the ships like the Roanoke or the Terra Nova just don’t feel the same.  What makes the flotilla cool is that it has sidequests where you can go exploring and learn the story of these ships, all while still being hounded by regenerators and lots of necromorphs. In addition to that, DS3 improves upon the zero g mechanics and takes them to a whole new level. Basically every zero g sequence is the cover of the game Dark Void, and it’s liberating to finally be able to move whatever direction you want in zero g.

08-003

Unfortunately that all comes to an end somewhat quickly, depending on how you play and whether or not you do side quests at all. After that, it’s on to the surface of Tau Volantis, which is its own rollercoaster ride, but it’s just pure action and its downright annoying. The only good trick Dead Space 3 has left at this point is to employ some oldschool survival horror where you’re better off running away than fighting enemies, because it simply spawns too many of them on your face. Unless you have a ridiculously overpowered gun, which you won’t have until after multiple playthroughs, you are better off running.

It’s quite clear that EA tried to please too many audiences at once while really aiming this title at a different group of people than the group that wanted it. You simply can’t do that in a sequel, much less at the end of a trilogy. The third game in a series, where all the games are directly connected and still telling the same story, is not the appropriate time to try to remarket a franchise towards casuals.

Especially when that game only exists because the core gamers bought and supported the first two entries.

Resident Evil – What IS it? Continued

__what_is_it____barry_burton_by_ploterka-d7efvwr

Apologies for the second blog about Resident Evil in 24 hours but, you have seen the name of this site, correct? It’s expected. So the news today is that Capcom made a not-at-all substantial statement mentioning RE7.

Capcom is planning a new Resident Evil spinoff shooter game and multiple new HD remakes, but what about the next entry in the core series? Capcom is still not ready to share specifics about a follow-up to 2012’s Resident Evil 6, but now, veteran producer Masachika Kawata has told fans to “stay tuned.”

“We’re currently not at a state to talk about it,” Kawata said when asked directly about Resident Evil 7 in the latest issue of Japanese gaming magazine Dengeki PlayStation (via Siliconera). “But please stay tuned.”

Asked for a response to the notion that the Resident Evil series is “losing its horror touch,” Kawata seemed to agree, but went on to say that Capcom wants the franchise to return to its horror roots

“Since there’s been more spinoff titles, I can see how it can be perceived in such a way,” Kawata said. “And of course I believe that we should produce titles that bring out the horror. I’m thinking about it and also preparing for it.”

This is not the case. I don’t think he understood the comment he responded to. The game lost its horror roots because of the main series – not because there are “so many spin off titles.”

Revelations 1 and 2 are the closest thing to a real Resident Evil game that have come out in over a decade, and Revelations 2 wasn’t even close. It was just a mashup of Evil Within and Last of Us, with some Metal Gear Solid and RE4 mixed in. Revelations 1 was very close, it’s just the enemies weren’t frightening – ever – and they weren’t zombies or really mutated either. Just grey gelatinous puddles of goop with pointies on them. Real sea creatures are scarier. Like the goblin shark.

Resident Evil’s essence didn’t revolve strictly around horror. The game was 90% inventory management, adventures, puzzles, and piecing together the story from the environment and documents. “Horror”, and the ammo management that came with it, was that extra something that made the game special. Outbreak 1 and 2 were both, for all intents and purposes, real resident evil games. They just had a terrible lack of communication options, and you started out infected and inevitably died, to make it as frustrating as possible. So the only spinoffs that really hurt the series were ORC, Gun Survivor, and Chronicles. These were on rails and/or action games RE4, RE5, and RE6 have each individually done more damage to the franchise than all the spinoffs combined ever could have.

Here’s a no-brainer:

Stop. Listening. To. RE4. Fans.

Trying to make third person action shooters to cater to them is what has ruined this IP.

Any person that says “I loved RE4 and RE5, please go back to them.” is a person you should beimmediately ignoring forever. Resident Evil sold millions when it was Resident Evil. It didn’t sellmore copies once it was Gears of Evil. If you want to sell games to these people with the Resident Evil logo on them, that’s absolutely fine. But they need to be clearly separated from the normal product line with a common subtitle like Outbreak (not to be confused with the Outbreak games which were great) or something. I will gladly buy an offline single player or co op third person action shooter product that focuses on the BSAA – that’s perfectly fine. I trulyliked Chris’s campaign. It was the only good, functional, cohesive part of RE6 other than Ada’s story. Ada’s story doesn’t count because it was required to figure out what the fuck just happened in the previous 20 hours of the game. I didn’t like how Chris’s campaign wasn’t Resident Evil, but I liked what it was. Just stop shovelling that horse shit into the main series.

You can honest to god keep the over the shoulder camera. It can stay. 3d environments can stay. What needs to come back is the adventure gameplay. Keeping track of your inventory and the items you need within that inventory in order to open doors and solve puzzles, to progress in the game. Creepy, claustrophobic environments with grandiose music and elegance to them that reflect the degree of insanity in the people you’re dealing with. Reading documents that reveal the plot one fragment at a time so that you can piece it all together yourself – not constant cutscenes being shoved in your face every 2.5 seconds that serve no purpose whatsoever except to put in more exploding set pieces or sequences that would have been slightly off if you had control. No co op. If you must do co op, do it like RE0, or do it like Outbreak – nothing else. No exceptions.

What needs to go is the kung fu fighting, the free melee, the upgradable guns, the copious ammo and healing items, and the hordes of enemies at every turn. The mind controlled enemy zombie militias with assault rifles and rocket launchers and miniguns and crossbows, and wings. The main characters who have lived through 4 or 5 outbreaks yet can’t identify when a fucking human being has been infected and turned into a zombie (LOOKING AT YOU LEON AND CHRIS) Those need to go, forever. RE6 seemed like it attempted to deal with Chris’s development and his PTSD – something touched upon frequently in RE5 commercials but literally never even mentioned in the game – but they tried to Tarantino it and did a shit job. The constantly exploding setpieces, the plane crashes, the on rails vehicle segments, the jet plane flying, all of that shit needs to go away for all eternity, as well. Listen, Capcom. Within 1 hour of starting RE6 – if you play Leon’s campaign first – there are no fewer than 100 exploding cars, at least 10 car crashes either right in front of you or with you in them, an entire street that explodes and collapses, and an exploding Harrier. This is in the fucking prologue. The tutorial! Are you kidding!?!!?!?!?!

Sherry, Leon, Ada – no development whatsoever. None. Not one single iota. And once again, despite Wesker being DEAD, the only real conflict in the story revolved around him, this time the fact that he was dead.

Resident Evil – What IS it?

__what_is_it____barry_burton_by_ploterka-d7efvwr

As of late, Capcom has been publishing data regarding its franchise sales and success on a regular basis, and of course with E3 coming up soon, there is once again a lot of talk about reviving the Resident Evil franchise. A lot of alleged fans come out of the woodwork to say that RE4 was the best of the series and that people clamoring for a return to form need to take off their nostalgia goggles. I concede that it would be better to have better controls a la Dead Space or RE6 – and it would be better to have the option to change camera angles, but not one single other thing from RE4 needs to ever show its face in the franchise again.

RE4 has nothing to do with Resident Evil. Capcom – and Mikami himself in that case – thinks that throwing in a couple of characters that fans were familiar with and liked, and emulating what they did before in good games is all they need to do to make another entry. It’s not. The story had no connection whatsoever with the established lore – 8+ games worth I might add by the time RE4 came out – other than the text at the beginning of the game and the obligatory, off-topic references to and inclusion of Ada and Wesker. Krauser and Leon’s backstory didn’t even exist yet when they put him in the game.

It’s not a Resident Evil game. It’s not even a survival horror game. Literally the only moment of “fear” in that entire game was the first time you encountered Dr. Salvador because you didn’t know what would happen and if he was an insta-death. Once you found out that he was, there was no more tension in that game that didn’t come simply from your own desire not to die and have to replay part of it. Considering the frequent save points, and not needing ribbons, even that was minimal. Combine that with the fact that you can literally buy first aid sprays, upgrade your guns and subsequently get free ammo doing so, the fact that you have grenades and sniper rifles and can buy rocket launchers, there’s nothing suspenseful about the game. It was entirely action.

Allow me to reiterate: I do like RE4. It was a good game. I spent all my gaming time when it came out playing that game with my best friend until we unlocked every last thing possible (well, before the full PS2 version came out), even in public at our local video game store. I own the original, the PS2 port, the original mess of a PC port, RE4 HD on 360 and RE4 HD on PC. But, it’s not a Resident Evil game, and that precludes it from being the best Resident Evil game.

The influx of “kids” who never played RE Directors Cut, RE2, RE3, RE Code Veronica, REmake, RE0, and Outbreak 1 and 2 in that order are what has caused the franchise – in terms of quality – to nosedive. They played RE4 and thought it was the best game ever made, so Capcom has tried to emulate that unsuccessfully ever since. I’m sure a lot of people who liked original RE played it and liked it, but if you played them contemporarily when released and then jumped ship to the action, all I can say is that you’re a sellout.

And so this is why Resident Evil has had an identity crisis for the last 10 years of its 19 year existence. At this point it is mathematically more appropriate to call it an action game, than a survival horror or even an adventure game. Capcom is trying to appeal to two radically different groups of fans and ends up attempting to appease them both. RE4 introduced ridiculous gameplay moments like those below:

re4_2

ad9de989aa0591130aea9beb20208f09

Since this, the identity crisis suffered by this franchise has soared to hilarious, indescribable new heights. It reached the pinnacle of absurdity in Resident Evil 6, which featured the disgusting failures the below screenshots only hint at. If you haven’t played Resident Evil 6 but are a fan, be warned: You have to pilot a fucking fighter jet. You attack a Neo-Umbrella aircraft carrier with a fighter jet. This is the franchise where you had to re-arrange statues to get gems to get a key in 1998 and you couldn’t even aim your gun. In 2011, you are flying a god damn fighter jet.

maxresdefault (1) maxresdefault (2)

The amount of vehicles you have to “control” in Resident Evil 6 is simply fucking ridiculous. You control Air Force One, a scout helicopter, a UH-60 variant helicopter, a Harrier fighter jet, a police cruiser, a motorcycle, and a snow mobile. This is in addition to the set pieces. RE6 features so many exploding set pieces, it’s unfathomable that Capcom wasn’t having a contest with Activision. Exploding cars by the dozens, exploding planes, exploding helicopters, exploding ships, exploding trains, collapsing Moria mines, nuclear explosions, exploding rail artillery guns, exploding submarines, exploding giant houseflies, epic avalanches…Resident Evil 6 is the most ridiculous Call of Duty game in history.

As if the explosions and set pieces and raging fires weren’t bad enough in that game, they also mashed as many other games as possible together, like Gears of War. Look, I actually admit that Chris’s campaign was the best campaign in the game. It physically hurts me to say so, but it’s the truth. If Resident Evil were to just split off into a third person action shooter about the BSAA fighting bioterrorism, Chris’s campaign would be a great template to follow in order to accomplish that goal. That being said, what the hell is this? No seriously, though, I’m legitimately asking. What were these things called? You only had to kill 2 of them but there was never an explicit answer who made them or why. Are we to assume it was Neo-Umbrella?

maxresdefault

Sidenote, what fake build of RE6 is this screenshot taken from? The game does not look this good on absolute ultra graphics on PC.

Back on topic. To make matters worse, Resident Evil 6 is the best selling entry in the entire franchise. Certainly this sends a message to Capcom that we want action games, and that really isn’t the truth. Especially now that Revelations 2 didn’t sell as many copies as almost any other entry in the series. At this point in time, Capcom has actually commented that they may just keep making the main numbered entries into action games, and save what little similarities to the original game still exist for the Revelations games. Capcom, of course, says a lot of nonsensical things about Resident Evil.

Keiji Inafune – legendary creator of Megaman, the guy who left Capcom because they wouldn’t make a new Megaman game and then made it anyway (the one that we’re waiting for because it got delayed to 2016) made a statement in 2010 that Capcom wanted Dead Rising to replace Resident Evil as their zombie franchise (http://goo.gl/QDDw4E). That’s the extent of this ridiculousness.

We know now how that worked out. Capcom released the worst Resident Evil game in history the next year, and then contracted Slant Six to make the second worst game in Resident Evil history. Shortly after that they released the only good Resident Evil game in 7 years, and then Dead Rising 3 did not at all meet their expectations. So, those plans got axed. It seems at this point like Capcom is trying not to continue the RE franchise but they keep doing it begrudgingly because people want it – like the fact that it took them 14 years and 2 separate fan remakes of Resident Evil 2 before they finally decided to officially remake the game, along with the fact that they remastered RE0 and REmake.

At the same time, Capcom is making an online only competitive Resident Evil shooter that won’t even have Resident Evil in the title. I think it’s safe to say that after 10 years of struggling with this franchises identity, even having proven data with Revelations 1 and 2 that shows people want the horror back, Capcom still has no idea what to do with their IP. Barry and Jill’s frequent, badly voice acted query from day 1 is perfectly appropriate 19 years later and seems to be what Capcom employees are still asking each other when they have meetings.

What IS it?!

Still here

It’s been a long 2015. I no longer own any consoles, having sold my PS2 out of desperation a few months ago, so am only gaming on PC. Which is fine. I’m trying to get into videos, and am working on putting together a video show with some real life friends in the Houston area. I am still alive though. Currently I’m working on finishing up the Mass Effect trilogy – am about 1/3rd of the way through the third game.

My recent acquisitions are a bit lacking. I haven’t even installed MGS5 yet and really don’t care. I also will be working on a review of Stasis, maybe Soma, Far Cry 4, and some other titles.

Fake PC Gamers

The group of gamers I hate more than anything – more than Sony fanboys, more than Nintendo fanboys, or Xbox fanboys, even more than actual PC gamers, is fake PC gamers. Seriously.  Just look at this.

Untitled

What a fucking idiot. These people shouldn’t be allowed on a computer or the internet at all. He didn’t even bother to research his bullshit statement. Literally 4 seconds of Googling would have proven him wrong. 1920×1080 didn’t EXIST in 2001. Wide screen 16:9 PC monitors were not for sale, in 2001. They weren’t even widely available until 2005 and furthermore, you weren’t running CS at 60 fps WITH a brand new GPU in 2001.

Know how I know that? Because I was fucking there. CS was my shit. Of all the frequent LAN parties I went to, I never even met a person with a widescreen monitor that did 1080p. You would think one of those hundreds of people, some of whom were gauranteed to have better machines, would have one. Oh wait I know, because they didn’t exist.

That’s aside from the fact that out of over 100 million games, the minority is running games in 4K. 4K monitors are more expensive than the actual GPUs needed to run games at 4k. Not everyone is doing it, or using display port.

sfasff

And this is all because of, essentially, the above pic – because Squeenix released the worst PC port of all PC releases this entire year, and said they would do better next time.

Call of Duty

Call of Duty is the worst franchise ever.

The debate rages on all over the net and in real life. People who don’t like shitty games, versus people who love shitty games, with self-appointed adjudicators in the middle who should just shut up and stay that way. You’ll see it everywhere, whether it’s tangential or not to the topic at hand, it all boils down to Call of Duty. There are two major groups: those who absolutely hate it and all it stands for, and those who continue to buy it and proclaim it the most amazing thing ever.

Most of the people who hate Call of Duty have ample reason and first-hand experience to support doing so. I’m one of them. I used to be in a high-ranked CoD 2 clan, in the early years of last decade. We practiced and played CoD 2 all the time, to the neglect of high quality good games. It was a completely different game back then, when you were shooting German soldiers and Nazis. You didn’t have sticky bombs, mortars, predator drones, nukes, ballistic knives, or any of the other mountains of nonsense present in the past 6 Call of Duty titles, like attack dogs.

Let’s face it, the first person shooter genre is more stale at this point than a carton of cigarettes in Fallout, and those are worth more too – they’ll net you 35 caps or more. CoD only managed to succeed because it transcended World War 2, took an idea directly from many other games like Counter-Strike or Battlefield 2, and put a terrible new twist on it that has defined the industry for years since – not in a good way, either. After all, even when CoD came out in 2002, we had all shot more Germans than WW1 and WW2 combined, in games like Day of Defeat, Medal of Honor, World War 2 online, and many others.

Now, we’re shooting various ethnicities per game. Russians, Chinese, Cuban, American, British, Brazillian, French, whatever, the list goes on. All the while the gameplay stays exactly the same, The multiplayer stays disappointing.  These days, I’m starting to determine my age using the annual Call of Duty announcement, rather than my actual birthday. What do we have now? Advanced Warfare? Kevin Spacey, ooooh all the kids love him in House of Cards. We want our franchise to be talked about as much as Game of Thrones.

In order for your franchise to be talked about like Game of Thrones, you’re missing a key element:

People give a fuck about the characters and story in GoT. They hate the Lannisters. They hate the Greyjoys, and Roose, and they want to hate the Baratheons too. They loved or liked the Starks.  Entire book sagas and going on 40 hours of film give you that amount of time with these characters. Furthermore, they are brought to life by actors who are on film – not digitized, not voice acting. There is nothing any character in CoD could possibly do to make you hate them as much as Joffrey Lannister. Even so, the CoD franchise is bereft of any ability to deliver a story on the level of any TV show, even if you don’t hold Thrones in high regard.

And seriously, with the title? Advanced Warfare? Advance Wars, Modern Warfare, Warfighter, Advanced Warfighter, Future Solider, Future War, those were all taken so you went with Advanced Warfare?

Call me when you make Call of Duty: Jurassic Warfare. Call of Duty: Prehistoric Warfare. Call of Duty: Ancient Warfare, something that at least pretends to be different.

Capcom Hates Megaman and his fans

In 2008, Capcom released lifetime sales data for all their franchises. Shockingly enough, Megaman is number 2, right behind Resident Evil. Obviously this data is 5 years old and they’ve released several new IPs since then, and no Megaman games whatsoever, but it stands to question:

Why are they purposely cancelling Megaman projects like legends? Why, if they are devoting resources to games like CVX HD and RE4 HD, can they not go back and bust out a Megaman X HD Trilogy and port it to PC/Box/PS3? Or even just PS3?

I know I’m only the 9 millionth person to ask why Capcom has literally abandoned one of their top franchises and one of the legends of the gaming industry, but the question bears repeating.

072611_megaman_content--article_image

Naughty Dog

Anyone who actually reads this or talks to me should understand my stance on Naughty Dog by now. I need to vent, though, so here be ye:

People, and when I say people I mean Sony kids, because no one except Sony kids can say something this absurdly ignorant and disgusting, say that Naughty Dog is the best developer in the world. Supposedly. Ninja Theory said it when Uncharted 2 came out. Plenty of pathetic kids on the internet say it: you’ll easily find 5 appropriate hits at the top of a Google search, three of them on IGN, a Sony fanboy site.

Naughty Dog has made eight games, ever. Four of them were Jak and Daxter games. Three of them were Uncharted. One was The Last of Us. Considering I reviewed all four of their PS3 games, you should easily see my experienced opinion on them within a few mouse clicks. Suffice it to say, Naughty Dog is very far from the best console game developer – that’s just a ludicrous statement.

So when I see things like this written – and every article on every gaming site has one because it’s mandatory, those are the rules of the internet, I get disgusted and want to leave the site.

NDThe universe possesses neither enough faces, nor enough palms, to handle something this incredibly asinine. It is a physical impossibility due to a lack of supply. I hate to tell you this but if you played Uncharted 1, 2, and 3, even if you played Uncharted 1; and the sheer linearity, lack of creativity, horrible gameplay, and overall contriteness of it’s thrown-together mash-up of concepts (which by the way, are not new or ahead of the curve – Indiana Jones came out in 1981) did not cause you to question your decision a minimum of 6 times, you aren’t a gamer – you’re a tool. 

“But Grenadeh why does enjoying a game make me a tool?”

Enjoying it doesn’t make you a tool. Going on to then gush sycophantic about a completely overrated and honestly bad game, that makes you a tool. Especially when you do it in public, to an audience of your “peers” – many of whom don’t know you, can tell you’re an asshole, and will not hesitate to tell you so. Let’s fast forward to TLOU. Once again, ND took a bunch of long established genre memes, and mashed them together into a mostly coherent but contrite story that brought absolutely nothing new to the table in terms of story-telling, game-play, game-design, or story itself.

It’s worth mentioning that you could say the same thing about Dead Space – a game I worship – if you want to. You’re welcome to say that. It’s false because – whereas you can compare Uncharted to Indiana Jones, it also has its origins in Tomb Raider, and a lot of novels. The idea is far more beaten to death by popular media than “space horror”. Dead Space, on the other hand, takes some inspiration from Event Horizon, Aliens, The Thing, and others, but more than anything it takes inspiration from System Shock 1 and 2 – both the version of two we did get, and the intended version that Levine and his team could not make because of technological limitations. Even just analyzing movies, there really is not enough source in sci-fi movies to call anything in Dead Space truly cliche. The jump scares are cliche, for sure, but that’s about it.

So, please tell me, I would love to know, how Naughty Dog could make a Turok game, and do anything but ruin it? Naughty Dog hasn’t made real games since PS2, nor do they show any sign of going back to those. Hollywood-esque games rake in more cash than Jak and Dexter ever did, and they will stick with what makes Sony money. See this? Naughty Dog would never be able to make a game with this:

project6420090707183242970001_2

That’s a T-Rex with a mother fucking laser cannon attached to it’s head.

cerebral_bore2This is a god damn cerebral bore. It’s a heat-seeking remote drone that drills into an enemies head and liquefies their brains as it sucks them into the air. Naughty Dog can’t make that shit.

So take your pathetic, disgusting Sony fanboyism, and seriously, keep it to yourself. No one wants to hear it, because anyone with any experience whatsoever playing video games knows Uncharted and TLOU are recycled, half-baked shit and they are meaningless to real gamers.