Call of Duty

Call of Duty is the worst franchise ever.

The debate rages on all over the net and in real life. People who don’t like shitty games, versus people who love shitty games, with self-appointed adjudicators in the middle who should just shut up and stay that way. You’ll see it everywhere, whether it’s tangential or not to the topic at hand, it all boils down to Call of Duty. There are two major groups: those who absolutely hate it and all it stands for, and those who continue to buy it and proclaim it the most amazing thing ever.

Most of the people who hate Call of Duty have ample reason and first-hand experience to support doing so. I’m one of them. I used to be in a high-ranked CoD 2 clan, in the early years of last decade. We practiced and played CoD 2 all the time, to the neglect of high quality good games. It was a completely different game back then, when you were shooting German soldiers and Nazis. You didn’t have sticky bombs, mortars, predator drones, nukes, ballistic knives, or any of the other mountains of nonsense present in the past 6 Call of Duty titles, like attack dogs.

Let’s face it, the first person shooter genre is more stale at this point than a carton of cigarettes in Fallout, and those are worth more too – they’ll net you 35 caps or more. CoD only managed to succeed because it transcended World War 2, took an idea directly from many other games like Counter-Strike or Battlefield 2, and put a terrible new twist on it that has defined the industry for years since – not in a good way, either. After all, even when CoD came out in 2002, we had all shot more Germans than WW1 and WW2 combined, in games like Day of Defeat, Medal of Honor, World War 2 online, and many others.

Now, we’re shooting various ethnicities per game. Russians, Chinese, Cuban, American, British, Brazillian, French, whatever, the list goes on. All the while the gameplay stays exactly the same, The multiplayer stays disappointing.  These days, I’m starting to determine my age using the annual Call of Duty announcement, rather than my actual birthday. What do we have now? Advanced Warfare? Kevin Spacey, ooooh all the kids love him in House of Cards. We want our franchise to be talked about as much as Game of Thrones.

In order for your franchise to be talked about like Game of Thrones, you’re missing a key element:

People give a fuck about the characters and story in GoT. They hate the Lannisters. They hate the Greyjoys, and Roose, and they want to hate the Baratheons too. They loved or liked the Starks.  Entire book sagas and going on 40 hours of film give you that amount of time with these characters. Furthermore, they are brought to life by actors who are on film – not digitized, not voice acting. There is nothing any character in CoD could possibly do to make you hate them as much as Joffrey Lannister. Even so, the CoD franchise is bereft of any ability to deliver a story on the level of any TV show, even if you don’t hold Thrones in high regard.

And seriously, with the title? Advanced Warfare? Advance Wars, Modern Warfare, Warfighter, Advanced Warfighter, Future Solider, Future War, those were all taken so you went with Advanced Warfare?

Call me when you make Call of Duty: Jurassic Warfare. Call of Duty: Prehistoric Warfare. Call of Duty: Ancient Warfare, something that at least pretends to be different.


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