I don’t care for IGN or GS or other reviewers, so when Dead Island: Riptide got mixed ratings that varied from abysmal to mediocre, I wasn’t turned off. I’d planned to buy this game long ago. What ensued afterwards was one of the most glitch-filled three hours I’ve had the pain to experience.

I’m told to go to this fishing village. Okay, I go there, but I enter from what is evidently the wrong end. I end up fighting infinite zombies who glitch through walls, jump on top of buildings, hit me through walls, and NEVER stop spawning. Let’s suffice to say I racked up a giant wallet and several levels pretty quickly, while I managed to stay alive.

Then I tried desparately to run away and tried to swim to safety. And died in the ocean for no explicable reason.

This is after the storm at the beginning robs me of all three of my guns. Praytell, why did I lose my guns? Not that they are so amazing in the game – you could and still can hit a zombie in the face repeatedly with a shotgun without killing them. Regardless, I feel like having a gun, even a handgun, might have made me less zombie food for the infinite hordes I faced.

Most importantly, the co op on PC is completely broken. Yes it’s launch day. Regardless, it literally doesn’t work at all. They are aware and are on it but guys here’s the thing. This isn’t really a sequel. It’s more of a big expansion. Same engine. Same mechanics. Why is everything suddenly broken? Getting hit through walls? Zombies that magically walk through obstacles? Jump on roofs? 100% inability to connect to other players?

I have yet to beat the game or really even make any story progress, but I am now convinced that reviewers are bullshit more than I was. There was no mention of ungodly glitching in the reviews, or broken functions. Co-op, which was an unprofessional and ad hoc affair at the best in the original game, has a much improved interface – assuming it works. This just goes to show me that reviewers are hipsters who spent 1.5 hours with a game and don’t actually have any idea what they’re playing or talking about, not to mention they arbitrarily rate games and decide when to follow their own rating system.

Which is funny because, they tore simCity apart for its server problems and glitches, which happened after they reviewed it. The review is supposed to be on release day. Yet they reviewed Riptide days before hand, before there actually were issues.

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